Friday, 8 April 2011


Is there an operation I can have to silence the cruel, doubting voice in my head?
It seems to be getting louder and louder.

When I was younger I would do things that terrified me - even if I thought I might mess up. I didn't let my fear of failure stop me doing something I really wanted. I would sign up for things that scared me before I could talk myself out of it. Not that I ever did anything crazily brave, but I did things that challenged me: doing a drama GCSE, attempting A-Level French, taking the plunge and doing a combined Philosophy degree (although I did decide to drop the philosophy later). These are not exactly ground-breakingly thrilling but the point is: I knew that these things would be hard for me but I wanted to do them so I had a go anyway.

This has come to an end. Something has happened to make me retreat into myself and now I am governed by the Evil Voice. The Evil Voice is the overly critical voice that we all have* in the back of our minds that tells us we fail and that we are hopeless and worthless. My evil seems to be growing in confidence and leeching my confidence away - kind of Ginny Weasley/ Tom Riddle style. The Evil voice has completely taken over and I can no longer see past the negative. I can't see any positive traits in myself and I can't see very much that is good about my life. I know that there are people with bigger problems and whose lives are full of tragedy - but that doesn't mean that I'm not miserable. Your unhappiness doesn't just go away because someone else is less happy, and being unhappy yourself doesn't mean that you are incapable of sympathy.

How do I banish the Evil Voice?

* I assume we all have this voice...

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